(re)start

alright, so this blog was originally meant for me to write about my travels and all that i was learning at bible college, buuuut i've decided to pick this back up and just make it a regular blog. i am low key stir crazy (most days) and really wish i were some cool person out on constant adventures, but i'm not. BUT, God isn't dependent on a "fun adventure" to reveal things about Himself to me, so i'm not going to wait to post some stuff on here for just the "fun times." too much of that already exists on social media.

since it's been a hot minute since i last posted and there's been lots of new and amazing people who've entered my life since then, here's a five second quick bio:

twenty-three years old. 

grown up mostly in temecula/murrieta area of southern california. 

part of a small family of one brother (and a step brother with his family) and my mom. 

dad passed when i was seven years old. 

strong-willed. 

cat lover. 

travel & adventure lover. 

private pilot. 

amateur photographer. 

musician. 

intj personality type. 

diy enthusiast. 

sinner saved by grace. 

and i digress back to my previous statement about posting only great things on social media or form of anything that people that i both know well and don't know will read. which i guess will bring me to my next point:

THE WORDS FOUND IN THIS BLOG ARE JUST GOING TO BE REAL. 

or at least as real as my (often) prideful self will put down. 

so if you're looking for a feel-good, soft & fluffy read......stop reading.

or do, but just don't get upset because it's not rainbows and unicorns.

because i firmly believe to take absolute joy and praise God in the good times of blessings but rough times are just inevitable and that's when one must cling tightly to the promises of God.

our hope is in heaven, not here.

as much as i would love to dig into some bible verse or something, i feel like i need to do some explaining on what i've been up to lately, and how a lot of people have been asking me about my "life goals" or my "life calling". i'm a big picture person in general, and this is the "life calling" i believe the Lord has called me to:

that whatever i do, through any season (years long or months short), from the daily routine of life to the decisions that make up the future, is to serve the Lord with my entirety

//

that's it. 

my life calling. to serve the Lord. in whatever He has for me.

because you see, after i graduated bible college in 2014 and interned for a semester abroad, i had no idea what my life was going towards. there was no more school, i wasn't in a relationship with a guy, i didn't have some ministry internship, etc. so, i just went back to work full time. 

for a while.

well, what felt like the longest while ever. (really, it was only about a year and a half - #perspective hahah)

in spring of 2015, to celebrate my 21st birthday, my mom bought me what's called a "discovery flight" at the local airport. they basically just take you up in a small airplane and let you fly it around to see if you like it. 

AND I DID.

but i thought "is this something that the Lord is actually calling me to do with my (entire) life?! what if i'm just letting my adventurous side take over and i only want this for myself? what if this isn't even the right thing?"

so i let it stew for a while and just kept praying about it. i will be honest and say that i wasn't diving into my Bible constantly or fasting/praying to make a decision. i kind of just kept spinning my wheels, not sure what the heck to do. trying to decide if i should move up to washington state with friends and do stuff there. or if i should just stay at my current job. 

until one day i just decided to walk in to the local flight school and ask the front desk some questions. and from then it's been simply taking it one week (heck, mostly just one day) at a time and continuing to work towards getting a commercial pilots license. my long-term goal is to use it in ministry/missions. and if i'm reallllly dreaming, somewhere in a place like north africa or the middle east (more on that later). but i'm not really even close to that stage yet. 

i never got a scroll from heaven. or some sign in the sky. not really even some specific verse. but i have gotten confirmation along the way that the Lord is with me and directing me. and it hasn't just been smooth sailing - i've run into plenty of "roadblocks" but with encouragement and help from friends and family and God's grace, everything has been moving forward.

ok, a couple things i need to say about all this:

1. most people look at me (or at least i think they do) and they think i have my life figured out. I DO NOT. I REPEAT. I DO NOT. just because i'm stepping into this doesn't mean i don't constantly struggle with knowing if this is the right thing or not. i've been continually learning to rely on the Lord in the small details of each day. 

2. also, i think people tend to lean towards the "she's one of those strong young ladies that isn't wanting to get married & settling down with a family anytime soon." this is also suuuuper untrue. (please go back and read my life "big picture"). my ultimate desire one day is to have a husband and family. and if/when that happens, i can still say my "big picture" life calling has not changed. besides, i've never been "that girl" who gets all the male attention or that's literally dreamed that the end goal of my entire life would be about being the ultimate wife & mother.

i want the end goal of my entire life to be about JESUS

God's own Son who gave up literally everything and came down from eternity to this dying world, became human, and suffered the most excruciating death simply because He wanted to show me His love and mend an otherwise permanently broken relationship with Him. 

and if He brings along some guy in the middle of all this, then awesome. but He hasn't, so i ain't twiddlin' my thumbs and waiting for some dude to come along before i allow God to do anything with my life. after i spent a semester in israel really grappling with a lot things concerning my dad's death, the Lord gave me this eternal perspective - that all this life is meant for eternity. in the big, grand scheme of things, it's not all about getting married. it's about keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus and the promise of a future eternity in heaven while seeking to do whatever He has for you while you're on the earth. would it be really hard to go my entire life without getting married? obviously, yes. but i don't think God would not give me a husband or family. i stand confident that if Jesus has my eternity already taken care of, i don't need to anxiously worry about even the "big things" that this life holds on earth.

(i know some of you might be super confused or think i'm an ignorant nitwit after reading that. so as much as i cringe about writing the ten-millionth blog post out there about relationships, i might at some point for further clarification on this. if you want to message me about this, feel free to do so. i will take time to say that this is absolutely NOT bashing stay-at-home-moms or moms in general. God has given women this incredible task of raising the next generation, and that is never to be taken lightly or "less than". i'm just trying to explain the paradox of being a woman who desires to serve Jesus in any/every way despite the "church norms" that have seemed to seep into some mindsets).

3. this whole world of seeking a career in aviation is not everything to me. as stated above, if the Lord brought something else along, i would pray for the grace to lay it all down. because (i will drill this into everything i say) my life is about serving Jesus with whatever He has. and if it's not this, then it would be a bummer but not the end of the world.

4. most people go to college/university to get a degree to get a job. so for now that's how i'm treating this. yes, i would love to use this for ministry and this is the ultimate goal. but if that's not what the Lord has, then at the very least i'm taking the time & resources while i have it to "learn a trade" that will provide for me (and my family if that ever need be).

5. everyone's story is different. and this is just what God has been showing me in mine. so if yours is completely opposite of this, i'm still so excited for you. all i care about is that people give their everything to follow Jesus. so please don't think i'm judging you or see things only a certain way. 

//

and now, in all my awkward-glory i'm just sitting here not sure how to end this. (dang it, you know you're awkward when you can't even end a non-face-to-face talk gracefully). so, for all who've wondered or wanted to know, this is my heart behind becoming a commercial pilot. for those who've asked me in person about it, i'm so sorry i'm literally terrible at trying to communicate all of this in a concise, verbal conversation, so being able to sit here for HOURS thinking about what to say and then typing it out just works better for me about these things....

i guess we'll see how well i keep up with this whole blog thing :)